- self-admiration:excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness
- personality disorder: in psychiatry, a personality disorder
characterized by the patient’s overestimation of his or her own appearance and
abilities and an excessive need for admiration.
self-admiration, self-absorption,
egotism, conceit, self-importance,
selfishness, self-centeredness
Here’s my definition:
Teresa Guidici, Narcissist
Let’s start out by saying that narcissists are not bad people and a certain level of narcissism is both necessary and healthy to the development of the human psyche.
The reason why I’ve decided we need to have this discussion now is because in the latest episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa was absolutely classic narcissist in action. If you recorded the show, it will be worth revisiting it so that you can see exactly where she demonstrated her extreme narcissism.
- Of course, a narcissist cannot turn it on or off. They either are, or they aren’t. Narcissists tend to be perfectionists. They attend to every detail of an event, room, meal, etc. Teresa demonstrates this tendency of perfectionism in the dressing of her daughters and herself. She doesn’t care how Joe looks, but she cares how she looks and, since she particularly views her children as extensions of herself, she pays careful attention to detail in the way they look. Ordinarily, and you’ll see this more often than not, the children of narcissists look like unkempt rag-a-muffins, as the narcissistic mother does not even see her children at all.
- All narcissists think they are the perfect mother. In fact, they will cite all the things they’ve done for their children…I drove you to ballet 3 times a week, I took you to the doctor whenever you were sick, I cooked dinners every night…these are things that all mothers do, but narcissists look at it as a sacrifice they have made for their children, rather than an act of love that all mothers do.
In the latest episode, Teresa was completely oblivious to the females in the room as she was trying on her bathing suits. It didn’t matter that Carolyn had a migraine headache, that Lauren might feel uncomfortable considering her struggles with weight, that Jacqui, too, was a wife who might not want her husband to see her modeling her bathing suits. The only one she saw, or cared about, in the room was Melissa, her perceived enemy.
- Classic narcissistic behaviour…the ongoing perceived battle with Melissa. Melissa is actually not a real person to Teresa, but a hated enemy who has robbed her (Teresa) of her brother’s undivided attention. She’s jealous of Melissa, not because Melissa is who she is, but because Melissa even exists. Teresa would have struggles with any female who entered into her “space”.
Now, the obvious and funny act of narcissism to watch was on the beach when she chose to fight with Kathy. Kathy was speaking for herself when she said that she decided that opening a restaurant was not the right choice for she and Rich because they recognized that the restaurant business would keep them away from their children…a logical decision any responsible parent would consider. In true narcissistic form, Teresa was only able to hear an attack on her.
- Every conversation that a narcissist engages in is really a one-sided conversation with this question always working in the back and front of their minds “How does what she’s saying relate to me”. True to form, Teresa was not, and is never, able to hear any of the words Kathy said after she zeroed in on Kathy’s perceived assault on her.
- Narcissists have a complete inability to see or empathize with anyone else side of the story or consider anyone else’s feelings.
Try though she may, Teresa is completely unable to look at Melissa’s side of the story or recognize that Melissa is going way out of her way to try to mend fences. Since Teresa would never go out of her way to do such things for other people outside of herself, it would make sense that she can’t feel anyone else’s point of view.
And finally, when they had the out-takes, Teresa could see nothing wrong with the little fight she had with Kathy…nothing wrong with what she did, that is.
- Narcissist are never able to see any of their actions as wrong and that is simply because they cannot see outside of themselves.
Here are some other narcissists you might recognize…
Camille Grammer, neglected kids
Ramona Singer, Can only see herself
Tamra Barney, neglected husband & children.
A narcissist to a lesser degree…and now we are adding Vicki Gunvulsan, a subtle narcissist whose concern is for herself, whilst her daughter goes under the knife. Sad.
LuAnn de Lesseps, demonstrates varying degrees of narcissism
And, finally, the most extreme narcissist of them all…
Jill Zarin’s narcissism should be a classic and required study for all medical students, particularly those interested in the field of psychiatry. She is so consumed with herself she can only focus on saving her face, how she is viewed and her sense of self value is completely warped when juxtaposed against reality.
- Most narcissists are clever and manipulative, skewing all events and interactions to their own favour
- Most narcissists, though not all, are very beautiful people who take an enormous amount of time focusing on their outward appearances
A classic study in narcissism, Jill Zarin
Of course, I am just sharing my opinion. I know that you have your opinions on all of this, too.
Your friend,
Well you definitely covered them like a blanket didn’t you? That was great analogy.
I was irritated with how Teresa took offense to Kathy talking about what was best for her and Rich. Albert helped them get a perspective on the time dedicated to a successful restaurant, he attempted to warn Juicy and Teresa of the same, but, they seem clueless to the realistic, and enamored with the glamous part.
What’s sad is that actually Adriana was actually unattended, proof on tape, and it was Teresa who specifically used the word”unattended” in the initial argument with Kathy, not Kathy. Teresa really is in denial of the who actually said what, what they meant by it, and people actual intentions. When the fight did break out, Kathy had the clear intention of getting the baby out of the way of the chaos, she had Teresa’s back in that regard, and no gratitude at all. It is sad really. I believe I could be friends with Kathy and Rich, and Chris and Jacki, but I think Caroline would work my nerves a little. She never wants to do anything fun or adventurous, and seems to know it all about parenting, but none of their kids have found their way yet. I could spend small amounts of time with Caroline, and Melissa and Joe would get invites to my parties, but, quality time with a friend? I would choose Kathy probably. Teresa is just too much for me. I would think a friendship with her would be exhausting.
Thank you. I was actually laughing when Tre was having the little fight with Kathy. Perhaps when Kathy reads this post she’ll be able to better see Teresa’s behaviour and will act accordingly, which is just to roll the eyes, like she did and say “whatever, Teresa”. I wouldn’t know of any other way to respond. Hehe.
I think the biggest test of where Teresa is on the narcissism scale is when (or if) she blogs this week. Because on the show, AGAIN, they clearly show the kids alone while the punches are being thrown. She says in the argument with Kathy ” My motherinlaw was with the kids”, yet, in another episode she makes a big hairy deal about one of Melissas sisters pulling her mother in laws hair (which meant mommy wasnt with the kids then)…
If Teresa can’t even address the fact that kathy was correct , you know she is an off the charts narcissist. I have noticed with one of my family members who is a classic, that the inability to even address a simple mistake is almost a requirement.
Narcissists can’t reflect on their own behavior (in general)… I agree that Teresa and Jill are the high end of the scale.
I like how you noted that some narcissim is not a bad thing. Its a given that you have at least a little to even be on tv. Its when its pathological that it becomes an issue. Most drug addicts are also narcissists, an example of it becoming pathological.
You know, I think what irritates me the most is their inability to take any responsibility for their actions and how every conversation is about how every issues relate to them. They are created by a doting on mother, actually, and both Jill and Tre are, as you said, “off the charts”.
can you add Alexis B, Nene Leaks, and Taylor Armstrong.
Well, I no psychiatrist, but I think Taylor is a sociopath, as is demonstrated by her fraudulent investment acts that have been alleged. I think she does have the ability to have a conversation and relate to other peoples feelings, so I’m not certain she’s a narcissist. Nene, the jury’s still out on her. She’s got an out-of-control ego, but I’m just not sure yet, and Alexis I haven’t watched enough to pick up on it, but you know I will now.
remember almost everyone has a certain level of narcissism, and its not in and of itself a pathology (as a matter of fact they took it out of psychiatric diagnosis since its more indicitive of other illness or pathology rather than its own diagnosis)…
If you think of it like a scale.. there are some online narcissism tests 1-10 rating, its only when you rate high on the scale that it becomes a problem, or an indication of other pathology.
I would say that most sociopaths or psychopaths would rate very high on the scale, since its their inability to emphathize with others that makes them able to do the things they do.
Most of the housewives would rate HIGH on the scale. The only ones who dont that are on current shows, would more likely be Jacquiline, Caroline manzo, Alex, and Sonia.. I am sure they rank higher than some, but if you ranked very low , you likely would never go on reality tv in the first place.
HaHaHa…You’re right, they wouldn’t be on reality shows if their level wasn’t HIGH. Thanks for the additional input.
By the way, Teresas blog is up, and you guessed it, she blames editing for the kids being alone. She says the kids tape was taken when there wasnt any fighting going on. So…. YUP, she is a complete narcissist.
Oh fun. I can’t wait to go over there and read it. Hehe.
Lady Brooks you hit the nail on the head. Teresa had no clue that modeling bathing suits in front of other women and their husbands might be inappropriate behavior because it is her world.
I personally think that Teresa’s children are suffering. Not just Gia, but Milania as well. Her behavior is out of control and in usually Teresa manner, she makes excuses for the child. I often think that Bravo bears some of the responsibility in filming this young child who displays extreme bad behavior. Wait until she is a teenager!
You know, I generally don’t like commenting on the children unless they have a Facebook page and want to be public figures but I will agree that Milania seems a bit hyperactive. Having said that and being the mother of 5 children, not one of mine were the type of teens you might have predicted had you seen them at 4 or 5. There is a lot of growing that occurs in the interim years and they all have the potential to grow into fine human beings. I know mine have. About the bathing suite expose’, I really just laughed. What else can you do? I especially liked when they recorded the out-takes and she was comparing herself to others “nobody looks as good as me” and I repeat…looks do not a person make, Teresa, as my mother used to say.
Here is the online test I took recently…http://www.0eb.com/
hopefully it comes through, if not, google Dr Drews online narcissism test.
This is so true, I really have to stop watching when Theresa goes on too long. I think to some degree anyone that allows the cameras into their lives are narcissist, believing their lives are so wonderful and important that everyone needs to have a view in to it. I agree with Lilly that Bravo has some responsibility with Milania who is so totally out of control, her behavior is ridiculous.
Yes, and I have to agree with you. She is so concerned with herself it’s hard to watch and, yes, these girls all have it to a certain, perhaps more magnified, level than most of us.