Some couples peacefully co-exist and, as long as they stay on the same page and there is truth in the relationship, they grow in love and appreciation for one another without fighting. Others, like Bethenny and Jason, have some struggles and bitter fighting ensues. It was heartbreaking to hear that Bethenny had been spending her days crying because of the pain the marriage had been causing her, as we learned in this latest episode of Bethenny Ever After. It’s heartbreaking because, like all of us women, we seek to be validated and accepted, especially by the one we love.
The boating adventure they went on with the therapist was a growth experience for the pair of them. It turned out to be the boat ride from hell that combined sea-sickness, with real catastrophe with many more hours at sea than expected and caused each of them to think about what it is that’s really important to them. Bethenny, for example, hadn’t actually thought about what would happen to Bryn if the pair of them were gone.
Before help came and they were rescued, their well-being was uncertain. In truth, it was a miserable experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my greatest enemy, yet they found that in the middle of the crisis all bickering went by the wayside and they were able to work through the chaos in relative calm…a great life experience for the pair of them. Some couples would be tearing each other’s eyes out.
They were also able to recognise that often their struggles are unnecessary and Jason recognised that he has tended to be rough on Bethenny by not giving her enough pats on the back. As their therapist so aptly pointed out, relationships can easily get off course and the boat could sink, simply by losing sight of the very thing that they want. Was it a wake-up call? Only if the lessons learned are heeded, by Jason.
Jason did come to understand something very deep…that when you take away the career, the material things, the outside noise and the nit-picking, as they did during the boating affair, what they had was what they wanted…to be with each other. Jason reaffirmed that in 10 years he wanted to be with Bethenny and the week-end served as a breather for them…a much needed respite from the fighting.
I’m not sure Bethenny needed to go through the growth that Jason did. She’s always seemed to get that he’s either got to love her for exactly who she is or she’s got to break out. I believe she was nearly at her wits end and was coming to this conclusion herself. Trying to make someone fit into a mold is harmful to their soul. It’s like saying I want the little house with the white picket fence and I just need someone to fit in the space of husband…and he’ll mow the front lawns on Saturday mornings whilst the kiddies play in the back. (a little like the Kim Kardashian sham wedding). It doesn’t work.
Yet it seemed that Jason had been trying to have her fit into his mold, particularly as it pertains to her relationship with his parents. Bethenny doesn’t have to love Jason’s parents the way he wishes she would. She doesn’t ever have to get closer to them or let them in any more than she’s comfortable with. Jason needs to be man enough to be not only okay with it, but to embrace it as her way of being and alter his course of behaviour accordingly.
The boating experience was a great one for me, too, as it reaffirmed to me why I’m not a small boat woman, but I’m very much a cruise-ship woman.
Your friend,
I tweeted Bethenny this morning after staying up much of the night thinking of one comment she made and actions she took upon arriving home to Bryn. It was as follows:
Don’t tell Bryn “Mommy will NEVER leave you”. It’s a lie and instills fear. Try “Mommy always comes home” (with a smile).
I’m almost certain you’ll agree that Bethenny’s insecurities in being the best mom she can be sometimes surface in “damaged” ways. Poor, poor woman. However, her rushing to pick up Bryn moments after Jason put her down for the night shows an abominable degree of passive aggressiveness on her part and her need to dominate every situation!
I’m also starting to see, in Bethenny, other rather vexing manners (she MUST have the last word!) that would, most certainly, irritate anyone over time. Please don’t misunderstand. I adore the whole family and after seeing the trailer for next weeks show and the pain which her mother causes her, my heart goes out to her. However, I feel that Bethenny should check herself regularly and let Jason be the MAN that he is. I fear the worst if she doesn’t GET what marriage is all about. Just my $.2 for the week. Cheers!
Certainly by running to pciking up Bryn she was undermining Jason and hurting retraining her to cry whenever she doesn’t want to go down for a nap and her insecurities are hers. She was using Bryn to comfort herself in this case, rather than looking out for the best interests of Bryn. They had a scare. I understand and her lapse in parenting judgment. I do think she has to have the last word, but this is the nature of the controlling person.
My problem is why does Jason have to adjust his expectations of his spouse and of his marriage when it is apparent that there is no compromise with Bethenny? I feel Bethenny put on a front with his parents in the beginning, and then after time is trying to put on the brakes. She has higher expectations for others’ behaviors, (Jason)than of her own. Sometimes she is totally out of line and inappropriate, and she doesn’t have enough self-awareness to realize she can be too much sometimes. Like when she went to the chiropractor, she was too busy match making, if she really had physical issues she should have addressed them and got treatment, she should have “reeled it in”. She can’t. I would like to see how they argue. I would like to see that argument that morning before they left for the heliport. Who brought it up, who lost their temper first, yes Jason said some horrible things to her that morning, but do you really think he wasn’t provoked to that point? Maybe his feelings and words were falling on deaf ears, so he grew frustrated, and then the mean comments came out. There is an effective way to have a discussion between spouses, I feel she has not learned how to do that. Then by the time they begin filming, it’s poor Bethenny, she can’t enjoy her weekend until he apologizes for earlier. I’m sure she had a few digs to get in during that arguement. She was still wrong for not including his parents, this was one of those occasions where she needed to suck it up and invite the inlaws. Did she ever apologize for that? I doubt it.
Well, you bring up some interesting points. As you recall, Bethenny never tried to hide the fact that she had a zero relationship with her parents and didn’t know how to do family. As a result, I don’t think she pretended or hid anything when they were first dating or early in their relationship. I do think that Jason had unrealistic expectations of any spouse. His 40th birthday was a big occasion and she apparently pulled out all the stops to give him an extremely memorable event. It wouldn’t come to my mind to include his parents in a golfing event with his best friend. Most likely, they don’t golf. He had spent two days prior to his birthday with his parents and if it were such a big issue they could have had a family dinner for him after the actual day for his parents and he to celebrate with Bethenny and Bryn.
I don’t doubt that they both had hurtful words, but his lack of appreciation for what she did do, coupled with his calling her damaged should have both been apologized for…remember, it’s his job to protect her from these things, not contribute to them, but I appreciate your insight. Perhaps I expect too much of Jason, the perfect one.