Some couples peacefully co-exist and, as long as they stay on the same page and there is truth in the relationship, they grow in love and appreciation for one another without fighting. Others, like Bethenny and Jason, have some struggles and bitter fighting ensues. It was heartbreaking to hear that Bethenny had been spending her days crying because of the pain the marriage had been causing her, as we learned in this latest episode of Bethenny Ever After. It’s heartbreaking because, like all of us women, we seek to be validated and accepted, especially by the one we love.
The boating adventure they went on with the therapist was a growth experience for the pair of them. It turned out to be the boat ride from hell that combined sea-sickness, with real catastrophe with many more hours at sea than expected and caused each of them to think about what it is that’s really important to them. Bethenny, for example, hadn’t actually thought about what would happen to Bryn if the pair of them were gone.
Before help came and they were rescued, their well-being was uncertain. In truth, it was a miserable experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my greatest enemy, yet they found that in the middle of the crisis all bickering went by the wayside and they were able to work through the chaos in relative calm…a great life experience for the pair of them. Some couples would be tearing each other’s eyes out.
They were also able to recognise that often their struggles are unnecessary and Jason recognised that he has tended to be rough on Bethenny by not giving her enough pats on the back. As their therapist so aptly pointed out, relationships can easily get off course and the boat could sink, simply by losing sight of the very thing that they want. Was it a wake-up call? Only if the lessons learned are heeded, by Jason.
Jason did come to understand something very deep…that when you take away the career, the material things, the outside noise and the nit-picking, as they did during the boating affair, what they had was what they wanted…to be with each other. Jason reaffirmed that in 10 years he wanted to be with Bethenny and the week-end served as a breather for them…a much needed respite from the fighting.
I’m not sure Bethenny needed to go through the growth that Jason did. She’s always seemed to get that he’s either got to love her for exactly who she is or she’s got to break out. I believe she was nearly at her wits end and was coming to this conclusion herself. Trying to make someone fit into a mold is harmful to their soul. It’s like saying I want the little house with the white picket fence and I just need someone to fit in the space of husband…and he’ll mow the front lawns on Saturday mornings whilst the kiddies play in the back. (a little like the Kim Kardashian sham wedding). It doesn’t work.
Yet it seemed that Jason had been trying to have her fit into his mold, particularly as it pertains to her relationship with his parents. Bethenny doesn’t have to love Jason’s parents the way he wishes she would. She doesn’t ever have to get closer to them or let them in any more than she’s comfortable with. Jason needs to be man enough to be not only okay with it, but to embrace it as her way of being and alter his course of behaviour accordingly.
The boating experience was a great one for me, too, as it reaffirmed to me why I’m not a small boat woman, but I’m very much a cruise-ship woman.